Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

How would you feel if the person that meant the most to you turned away? If all of a sudden your life was a big, confusing mess of unreadable emotions that forced you to turn to the internet, the only place where you can be yourself? My answer is that I wouldn't know what to feel. In the book Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell, the main character Cath is an 18 year old girl who is going to her first year of college with her twin sister Wren. After Cath finds out Wren doesn't want to room with her, she becomes overwhelmed by anxiety. She has never been very social or good at making friends. Her only escape is the fan fiction she is writing called "Carry On, Simon", based on the bestselling series about Simon Snowe. Throughout the story, Cath goes through major character changes. Whereas she starts out as a confused, hormonal teenager with abandonment issues, she grows over time into a confident woman that doesn't always have to depend on others. Because of this she is able to grow more mature mentally and emotionally. 


In the beginning of the book, Cath is extremely nervous about going to college. Not only is she stepping out of her "safe-zone", but her twin sister (who also happened to be her only friend) abandoned her for someone else. "I was already overdosing on new and other today." Thoughts like this were going through Cath's head when she spent her first few days at college. It was a huge step from highschool for her and Cath wasn't familiar with "huge steps". In the first few pages of the book, you find out Cath's mom was a nonexistent member in her family. Right away I inferred that her mother was either dead or left her family. Later on, readers find out Cath's mom did in fact abandon her when she was a kid. This also agrees with my initial idea of Cath having abandonment issues. This further explains why she felt so hurt when her sister did not want to share a room with her. She doesn't want her sister to leave her like their mom did. Because of this Cath gets paired up with an upperclassman named Reagan. Reagan is very brutally honest and an overall intimidating person. At first Cath was wary of her. Their conversations were limited to "Hey can you close the window?" or "Is it okay if I keep the light on?" Reagan also had a friend named Levi who Cath originally thought was her boyfriend. He made her feel uncomfortable as well because he was always trying to start up conversations with Cath even though she obviously had no interest in. The only way Cath could get away from all this was by writing her fan fiction. Her story, "Carry On, Simon" had thousands of readers and her online world was a place she could escape to when things got too hectic. Although this is not a good way to deal with your challenges, I can definitely connect with Cath. My internet family is one of the best things that ever happened to me. There are people I have never met in real life that I can trust even more than some of my friends.


Throughout the story, Cath realizes that hiding behind her laptop and protein bars isn't any way to live, especially in college. She tries her best to change and become accustomed to meeting new people. She starts to hang out with this boy named Nick from her Fiction Writing Class and they meet up in the library to write stories together. Also Reagan starts eating meals with her. "Meanwhile Wren's social calendar was so crowded, Cath felt like even calling her sister was an interruption. Cath had thought they were over the bar-tastrophe, but Wren was acting even more irritable and remote than she'd been at the start of the year. When Cath did try to call, Wren was always on her way out, and she wouldn't tell Cath where she was going. "I don't need you to show up with a stomach pump," Wren said. In some ways it had always been like this."Although she is growing apart from her sister, at the same time, she is getting new friends and is becoming more outgoing.  She also starts to get closer to Levi and realizes she has a crush on him, which is a new experience for her (especially since there's a chance he might like her back). I can connect to this part of the story very well. Until recently I could not imagine growing apart from people that are close to me. I thought that friends were friends and they would always stay that way. Now, I realize that people grow apart and its a normal part of life and growing up. Its not always a good thing and it can be sad and frustrating, but it is also something I had to learn to accept. 


By the end of the story Cath is a completely different person. Not only is she more independent, she managed to reconnect with her sister and even got a boyfriend. And guess who it was? Levi! Not only was Levi a perfect boyfriend (just further proof that fictional boys are better than real ones), he also helped Cath realize many things about her life, her stories, and showed her that she didnt always have to hide from everyone. I can not really connect to this to be honest, but I still think its a really sweet part in the story. Because of Levi, Cath was able to become a new person. One moment in the story that really changed Cath was when she saw a girl wearing a "Keep Calm and Carry On" t-shirt with a picture of Simon and Baz (from her fan fiction). This part in the novel made her feel much better about herself and really raised her self-esteem because it made her realize that even people she has never met were there for her, supporting her passion. Of course I can not really connect to this because I never wrote a popular story but I can imagine how happy Cath was. If I saw something like that I would feel really proud and more than a little shell-shocked. I believe this was a very memorable part of the story because it was a huge turning point for Cath. Cath went through a lot of challenges in the book but with the help of the people around her and in her laptop she was able to overcome them and overall become a better person.


Although throughout the story Cath has to go through many obstacles to become more confident in herself she succeeds with the help of her friends and family (immediate, internet, and otherwise). Cath learns that it is better to face your problems than to try to escape from them. In conclusion college was a huge stepping stone for Cath, a stepping stone to adulthood, to being a more independent and confident person, to being the best and most creative writer she could possibly be. I belive that readers can learn a lot from Cath and her first year of college. This novel is very inspirational and, to be honest, makes me want to pick up a pen and write my own book and to discover the next pages of my life.